Reminiscing and Romance
by JanetBanana
Summary: James and Katie reunite on an airplane after Katie has been away for four years. What happens next is anyone's guess.
1. Reuniting on the Runway

Well, here is my first Jatie fic and my first published Big Time Rush fic. I am hoping I have as much fun in this fandom as I have in my others. You should know this fic takes place when Katie is 22 and the boys are 27/28.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Big Time Rush, Carlos and Kendall would be fighting over me, James would be my pool boy, Logan would be in charge of my iPod, and Katelyn would be my best friend. Let's just say my fantasy life is far richer than my bank account.

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Reunion on the Runway<strong>

I was boarding my sixth cross country flight that month when I noticed how familiar the young woman whose carry-on I'd helped put in the overhead bin looked. Almost like someone I knew, but slightly different.

"James!" she addressed me, and suddenly I was sure.

"Katie!" She smiled and took the window seat while I took the aisle. Business class was a perk of constant travel, so thankfully I didn't have to worry about anyone sitting between us. It had been at least four years since Katie had left for Manhattan, and I'd emailed her constantly, but she had definitely grown.

"I knew it was you. You're the only straight male I know who can wear a scarf outside of winter in America." I let the comment pass, she knew half of the image was me and my agent was responsible for the other half.

"And you're the only fashion student who can get away with such a laid back style."

"Ha . I can design 'em and style my models but it took six classmates and the most painful three hour shopping trip of my life to find something for my juries last month. I still have scars!" She lifts her sleeve to reveal the yellowed-purple remains of a bruise.

"You remember what happened to Gilligan when he took six friends on a three hour trip, right? You're lucky thats all the scarring you have!" I had to joke about Carlos, who had watched that show incessantly for about seven months while the rest of us tried to erase it from memory.

"You should see my feet. Apparently it is a sin to be this petite in the fashion industry and attempt to wear a mere quarter inch heel." she said in an amused fashion, after giggling at my comment.

I don't know why I said what I said next. It's something that I'd often wondered, but even though there's something about Katie that I have always been able to talk to about anything, I didn't want to broach it. I guess because she was making it her life. It was quiet and soft, so I hoped I came across as caring as I felt. "Why the fashion industry, Katie? I know you've always wanted to be part of a cutthroat business, but that one will spit you out for far less than flats."

Thankfully she didn't seem put off. I know Kendall had had this conversation with her countless times, and I think Logan once, as well. Mrs. Knight didn't bother, since she found Katie trading stocks at age eleven, and Carlos just accepts things as they are, always. "I fell in love with LA, James. But I didn't want to be a performer. And I could have been a director or an agent, or whatever else, I know, but my personal style belies far less interest in fashion than what is really there. I thought I'd finish school, come back and become a stylist or work in wardrobe. Things have happened that make me question LA, but I definitely made the right career choice."

There was a reference there, to some emails we'd exchanged when I hadn't seen her for the entire four years since she started school. This was partially my fault, since I'd gone solo I'd not been to New York very often until just recently and Katie refuses to go back to LA. But even Thanksgiving? And then some confessions had tumbled out in those emails and suddenly I'd wished I hadn't prodded.

Apparently during the band's final tour, Katie had somehow fallen into bed with Jett Stetson. Jett had been in New York a few times during her first year of fashion school, and even though he was more like the distant crazy cousin, she'd have dinner with him because he reminded her of home and the old Palmwoods family. It wasn't until they were both in LA together that the affair happened. She'd come home for spring break and I guess Jett is less crazy when he doesn't have to make a fool of himself to get attention, so the dinners made him seem like a reasonable guy. Everyone else was touring, except Camille, who'd method acted her way into a coma role. So when he invited her to the set of the New Town High made-for-tv movie, she decided to go. She didn't know any of the current cast members except Jett, so she spent most of the time hanging out in his dressing room. And I guess things happened. I didn't press her, because honestly the idea of him and her...it made me a little nauseous.

She went back off to New York thinking the thing with Jett was just a fling, or maybe one of those friends-with-benefits things, where stuff happens when your schedules and locations mesh, but no one is tied to anyone. So the last thing she expected were love letters. First she tried ignoring them, but they came daily. Then she tried responding diplomatically, but Jett didn't seem to take a hint. Things all came crashing down when she was letting a friend stay with her and Jett knocked on the door with roses, all set to serenade her or something, saw him, and accused her of cheating with this friend. The friend was incredibly put off, and Jett seemed drunk, though more on the adrenaline of the situation than if he'd actually taken a drink. After her friend left, Jett turned on the waterworks and begged her please not to leave him. She'd attempted to explain how it was a fling, but Jett was hearing none of it. They argued-loudly-for a good half an hour before the landlord came up and threatened Katie's lease. She said the whole thing had stressed her out so much all she remembered was telling Jett to go back to LA on the first flight he could find, and him telling her she'd come around.

Even though the drama happened in New York, the affair had been where she'd made her mistake, and where she realized things back home were different now, since Jett had been the only friend to hang out with when she came home. She had new friends in New York, friends her age, with similar interests. LA just wasn't the same and she was soured on the city.

"So why are you coming back to LA finally?" I knew she would, eventually, but there would have to be a very good reason.

"Tyler's getting married." Tyler? He was just a kid! No, I guess not. If Katie is twenty two, so is Tyler. I rarely watched tv, so I'd never seen him in anything, and it didn't occur to me he wasn't still that same kid running from his stage mom.

"Oh, wow. So where are you staying?" Mrs. Knight had moved back to Minnesota, and Kendall was having his apartment combined with the one next door to make room for his expanding family, so with all the construction he didn't have room.

"Not sure. Technically have all those favors lined up from back in the day, but I figured I'd call one in after I got there."

"Well why don't you stay at my place? It's got an extra bedroom."

"Are you sure? I don't want to put you out."

"Nonsense! I bought the two bedroom with guests in mind and I never have any. You will be making the extra 40K on my mortgage worth it."

"Well in that case, I'll stay for the next six months" she joked, "wouldn't want that money going to waste!"

"Let me cook you dinner tonight. For old times sake." It had surprised everyone, perhaps me, most of all, that Carlos' keeping our bedroom tv tuned to Food Network at almost all times actually taught me some tricks. I attempted to cook for a date one night, and Katie insisted on helping, or rather, hanging around menacingly with a fire extinguisher in case it went wrong. When nothing did, she then switched tactics to insisting she taste test, to make sure the meal was edible. When it was, suddenly I was assigned Tuesday and Thursday night dinners.

"James," she began, as if she were about to say something uncomfortable, then softened her face and finished "never mind."

"What?"

"You're the only one who knows. About the Jett thing. And I'd really like to keep it that way."

"I wasn't planning on mentioning it to anyone." I told her, confused.

"It's just, Jett left me a message last night. I have a feeling I'll be trying to avoid him a lot at the wedding." Why was Jett coming to Tyler's wedding? I wasn't invited and while not much, I had still probably spent more time with him than he did. But before I managed to question this, I realized Katie wasn't finished.

"I RSVP'ed for myself and a guest, mostly because Carlos is free this weekend and I figured I could fill him in if I needed to, but I'd rather not tell anyone else."

While I figured Katie still talked to Carlos by phone and email, like she did me, I was kind of surprised she knew his weekend plans. "Katie, why was Jett invited to Tyler's wedding?" I said, kind of behind in this conversation.

"You didn't know? Tyler and Jett are cousins. But you're not paying attention, James. Can you be my plus one for the wedding, so I can avoid Jett?"

"Oh. Sure. Hey, I'm a little curious about something. We wouldn't be having this conversation if you weren't in business class, except, I wouldn't expect you to be flying business."

"I have a friend who is a flight attendant who won ten business upgrades for each of five friends for winning a contest. I helped him save his final project so he owed me."

"Right." I was pretty distracted at the moment. While Katie and I spoke at least twice a week and emailed almost daily and were closer than ever, I still hadn't seen her in four years, and I hadn't guessed how beautiful and grown up she would be. I was pretty certain the whole 'protect me from Jett' plea hadn't helped at all, either. I wondered what Katie thought. No, I was pretty certain this attraction was one sided. I was pretty lost in thought and not paying much attention.

"and then he told me Logan was in town so maybe you guys can have a reunion." I had no idea who told her that, Kendall, I supposed, and I had no idea anything she said about him.

"I'm sorry, I was thinking about something and didn't hear all of that." Way to sound rude, right?

"Kendall said he heard you were home this week and since Logan is too, maybe you guys can all get together."

"Yeah, that would be great." I wondered if this is what it was like to worry about rejection, something I'd never really dealt with before. Even if I wasn't planning to make a move. Oh who was I kidding, of course I was. But there was all the basic complications to worry about. Katie is five and a half years younger than me. When she was younger our relationship was pretty siblingish. She probably thinks of me like a brother. But above all else, even if she didn't, the chances are about ten million to one that Kendall would kill me if he found out. If there's one thing I've learned since leaving my teens and entering my late twenties, it's that the older you get, the less an age difference is worth in any kind of relationship. In general, no one would bat an eye in Katie's and my direction, if the media got wind of this. Except Kendall. And considering I can't breathe in someone's general direction without the media blowing it up I knew no matter how secretive and sneaky we were, they'd figure it out.

"James?" Damn it! She must think I'm a flake.

"Yeah sorry. I've got some stuff on my mind."

"I can tell. Want to talk about it?" Hell no! What would I say? Oh hey, I like you, if you like me you should know the media will find out immediately, especially if there are any on this plane right now hearing me confess to that and your brother will murder me.

"Not really. It's complicated. Maybe later." Then I thought to ask. "So I've been in New York three times this month and you haven't been able to see me. Have things been okay?"

"Things are okay, but I've been having juries and interning and dealing with extra hours at work, so I've had about three free minutes to myself in a day."

"So school's going good, aside from the busyness?"

"Yeah, I'm at the top of my class, I'll be graduating in two weeks. Kendall wants me to come live with them for a few months when the renovations are finished. Says he misses me. I don't have any plans for after graduation, though. Guess living with Kendall would take the pressure off paying rent while job searching."

"So have you seen any of the other guys? Logan, Carlos?" I knew Kendall flew out to spend time with her a lot.

"I saw Logan when he came for a doctor's convention in January. Haven't met his fiancée, though. Carlos comes in once a quarter for stunt double work and I usually have dinner with him and bring him out dancing with my friends. He still has more energy than anyone knows what to do with, he's the only person I know who begs to stay till the club closes and wants to keep dancing. Everyone else settles onto the couches while he dances with the latecomers."

"Just like old times. We'd go in shifts. Logan would round up some girls and they'd hit the club around ten, he'd leave at midnight and Kendall would show up, I'd get there at two as the night owl and drag him home at four, exhausted, while he took a Tylenol PM and managed to sleep until around ten in the morning."

"Just listening to that makes me tired."

"I know. We'd switch out with other friends, because he wanted to do it every weekend. The Jennifers usually managed to be up for it once a month. Sometimes he'd go with Stephanie or Camille."

"I missed you most, you know. Why did you never book interviews in New York?"

"I had, more recently, but then you were away in Paris and Milan for a year. _A year_. What is that about, anyway? I thought most study abroad programs were like, six weeks."

"I got an amazing opportunity to do a year long program and for free. I couldn't pass it up."

"I just don't get how we kept missing each other, you know?"

"Neither do I. So, what are you making me for dinner?" Our conversation kept up it's weird, non-linear pathway, where someone moves on, and the other picks up from elsewhere. It was like a game of Sorry: move forward one space. Move backward two spaces.

"Well," I thought about it for a minute. I had a limited and strange assortment of things in my pantry, none of which went together particularly well, if at all. Carlos had gone grocery shopping for me last week because his apartment was being fumigated and he stayed over while I was gone. So I figured I had few options. "I hate to break it to you, but in my kitchen you'll find taco shells, oranges, some brie, a can of black olives, shells and cheese and very likely some corn dogs and dino nuggets. I can throw the last of Carlos' food in the oven or I can take you out to dinner, your pick." I was sure she'd want to skip the junk food.

"You have ketchup and mustard? I can't eat corn dogs and dino nuggets without that. And can you make the shells and cheese, too? It'll be just like old times." Old times. I knew what she meant.

"Maybe I should call up the guys for that reunion then?"

"It doesn't have to be that much like old times. We need to catch up." Catch up? We may not have seen each other in years, but I had practically a record of her daily life in my inbox. I heard a whimpering noise, which broke my thought process. Katie wasn't whimpering at me, that would not make sense. And then I saw her lean over to the carry on under her feet with a puppy in it, and unzip it a smidge and pet the dog.

"What's the puppy's name?" I asked her.

"Her name is Susie. And don't worry about me taking her to the apartment, the whole reason I didn't get a friend to babysit her is Carlos begged me to bring her out."

"Oh, no worries." the pilot's voice interrupted the conversation telling us we'd be landing soon, so we all obliged with the tray tables and seatbelts and a few minutes later we were taxiing to our gate. I was surprised, Susie had seemed to handle the flight very well. I once again assisted Katie with her other bag, as well as getting mine down, and I asked her if she had any bags at the luggage carousel. She didn't, nor did I, so we waited at the pickup curb for Carlos, who had graciously offered to pick Katie up. After exchanging greetings and explaining how I ended up being there with her, I offered Katie the front seat, and almost choked when I saw the car seat in Carlos' back seat.

"Carlos, did you leave something very important out of our communications?" Katie demanded, while Carlos just wrinkled his eyebrows and said "I'm on time, right? How long were you two waiting?"

"No, Carlos, not the time, the _car seat_."

"Oh that. No, that's just for my niece. Leo and Sarah moved here from San Diego when they opened a second restaurant. I have Gracie as often as my schedule allows so I have a car seat for her. No big secret."

We both breathed a sigh of relief, and Carlos asked Katie how long she was in town for. "I...don't actually know. I mean, technically the long weekend, because I finish up school in the next two weeks, and then graduate, but then I'm coming back. Kendall's apartment should be finished next month, and my lease is up then too, but I might come out early."

"I thought you were avoiding, LA, Katie, though I've never understood why." Carlos said.

"I was, but the reason for avoiding it wont be here anymore. And everyone is back now. It's not like it was before I left, but it's not like it was when I was gone either."

Carlos looked confused, and I didn't blame him. I wondered what she meant by Jett "wont be here anymore" but I remembered her asking me to keep quiet about it. I put my brain to work and managed "I wonder what Jett's doing now that his show is canceled."

"I heard he signed on for a movie in Sao Paolo. Supposedly he's leaving in a month. Tyler said it's all but final." That explained a lot.

We arrived at Carlos' place, where Katie unloaded Susie, handed Carlos some cash and told him what sort of food she feeds the tiny dog. He then drove us a few blocks away to my place, before leaving to pick up his niece. It wasn't until I had shown Katie the guest room and she was asking about an iron, that her phone rang and she jumped, not from the sound, but at the name on the caller ID. "Damn it."

"What is it?"

"It's Jett." To my surprise she answered the phone. After their argument, he'd attempted to contact her a few times, but eventually let her be, so calling again after all this time seemed a little weird to me. "Hello."

I watched her face, and since I could only hear her side of the conversation and she wasn't saying much, it was her face softening a few minutes into the short conversation, that made things interesting. When she hung up, she said "Jett wants to see me, and I think I'm going."

"What? Why? I thought you hated him!"

"I never hated him, but I spent a long time disliking him. He heard I was going to be in town, and he called and apologized. He said he didn't want to go to Brazil without making things right, and I guess I'm going to let him try."

I mused to myself that this was one of those girl things. A guy would probably never have heard him out. But then, a guy would have forgotten about the whole thing after this much time, too. So even though it bothered me I didn't argue when she told me she'd be back later.

"Alright, be safe." I told her as she gathered her purse and left. Even though I didn't think she was in any real danger hanging out with Jett, and he really is just an idiot, that same protective streak I have always had kicked in and I still didn't want her to go.


	2. Distance and Discussion

Disclaimer: Big Time Rush is not mine.

Authors note: As you'll soon realize, James doesn't know nearly as much of the story as he thought he did regarding Jett and Katie. She wasn't mad for the reason he thought. Now you're going to get her side of the story. Oh, and the flashback in the middle of the story is italicized, and it's really a flashback inside a flashback. I put line breaks so hopefully it's not too confusing.

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Distance and Discussion<strong>

I managed to get Susie through airport security without even one issue, which considering all the cautions you find online, took me by surprise. Carlos had begged me to bring her, dogs love Carlos and Carlos loves dogs. It also quite settled the issue of what to do with her while I was gone. I had friends who could keep her, but none that would want to. They all had as much going on as I did. I had a tiny rolling bag, really one of those laptop bags with space for other stuff. I crammed in three dresses. One of my designs, that I was sure I did not want to wear. My friend Benny had convinced me to bring it, saying it was a great dress for a wedding, but while it felt like, and was, mine creatively, it certainly didn't feel like _me_. A jersey knit dress, because it packs fantastically, and a casual cotton sun dress I hoped I would be able to iron. I was wearing sandals that would match all of these outfits, so add in some underthings, nightgowns, and some accessories and toiletries and I could never understand where the Jennifers were going with their huge bags on weekend trips.

I grabbed a magazine and a sandwich and waited for my plane. It turned out to be a boring magazine so even while stopping to give Susie some water, by the time boarding was announced I was done wanting to read it. I slid it into the pocket on the back of my bag and stood in the line for business class. I was ordinarily really too short to benefit from this, but since Susie was required to go under the seat in front of me, it was a big help. Benny was my flight attendant friend, and because of this he got really behind on school. Flight attendants are on call and it was only because all of our classes this year were practicums where you met with the professor in private meetings that he got to keep the job he fell into last summer. Our friend Didi and I did some of his sewing. This is perfectly acceptable, but most friends have enough going on to not do it. So when Benny created some in-flight thing that boosted sales by 25%, he got a huge prize, and shared it with friends, including Didi and me.

As business boards last, when first boarding was called I took the opportunity to call my brother and let him know I was boarding, and call Carlos and let him know that we were boarding on time, so unless there was some delay, to meet me at 2:30. I walked onto the plane and put Susie under the seat in front of me. When I turned around to lift my other bag into the overhead bin, it was none other than James Diamond helping me with the task.

Benny likes to call James "the one that got away", which might be the silliest thing I've ever heard. Unrequited love might be a more appropriate term, at least in a sense. He "got away" because I never told him that I was even remotely interested in him. Maybe because I'd been fifteen and he twenty. That's when Benny isn't calling him a "Diamond in the rough" or simply "sex on legs". This is one of the funniest dynamics in my friendship with Benny. For him, it's a celebrity crush, for me, he's one of my best friends. Benny has never, ever pressed me to introduce him. I think it's because Benny knows James is not gay. Why ruin the fantasy? But this is especially funny today, because James and Benny both spend lots and lots of time on airplanes, going between the same places, and yet I'm the one who randomly ended up on a plane with James.

James and I email each other almost daily, and we call each other twice a week. I probably know more about his life than I did when I lived with him. It was funny, because I saw his face everywhere, I knew exactly how he'd aged. When your picture is splashed across Times Square and on the cover of all the newsstand magazines, everyone knows what you look like, including the friends back home who you haven't seen in years. So when I let James realize who I was I was amused but not the least bit surprised by his eyes becoming the size of saucers or the smile spreading across his face. I'd tried to think back to the last time I saw him. In an airport, now that I think of it. With Kendall, Mom, Carlos and Logan. I was going to be a freshman in fashion school in New York, and it seems nearly impossible, but I hadn't seen him since. And I am graduating in two weeks. I was taller, but not by much, and I looked less like a girl and more like a woman.

During the flight we talked, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I ended up with a place to stay. I had favors I could call in, and money I really shouldn't be spending on a hotel, but it was better being offered. That money should really go to moving costs anyway. When we got to James' place, I was about to unpack when Jett called.

Okay, here's the thing. I probably _shouldn't_ be going, but I am. For one thing, because he _is_ going to Sao Paolo for I'm not sure how long. For another thing, because well, I wanted to hear him out, and see if he could actually admit he was wrong about something. And I had apologizing to do as well. But the main reason I wanted to go is because I missed him terribly and needed to see him before he left the country. I mean, he did me the same courtesy. So I made my first apology, to James, for leaving so quickly, and headed out. Jett had asked me to meet him at the little diner two blocks from the Palmwoods. It was also only about four blocks from James' place, and in a fairly safe area, so I walked. When I got there I saw Jett at a small booth in the back, close to the restrooms and kitchen, where most people avoid sitting.

"Hello, Jett." I sat down across the booth from him expecting...well I didn't really know, but I knew I was expecting something.

"Katie. Look, I was terrible to you and I just want to put everything behind us and start fresh. I was such an idiot. You were far away, and then you were even farther away, and it must have been hard on you, me pressuring you to be serious. Is there some way I can make it up to you?" I thought time heals a lot of wounds. I was never even that mad to begin with, just annoyed and frustrated. I was kind of amused. Why did he take so long to apologize? I could think of a couple of reasons to that question, though. The reasons I should also apologize.

Up until this last semester I was in Paris and Milan for a year. And then there was the second time we slept together before I went. So, I guess I made it kind of confusing for him. I should never have done that.

_ It had been the most terrible day. Didi was mad at me, and I didn't know why. Tara stole my latest design, so my last assignment was going to be late. My hours at work had been cut back. And Benny was ignoring me because he was sad and a little jealous I was leaving. Not to mention I was supposed to be leaving for Milan in three weeks and I still couldn't manage to fit a years worth of European climate appropriate clothing into my allocated baggage. So when Jett called me I didn't immediately brush him off. He told me he was in the city. I'd heard he was going to be on Good Morning America the next day, so I figured he'd be in town, but after last time I chewed him out I was surprised he had even called. I'd just arrived at my apartment. I sat down on my couch and let him talk. "Katie, let me take you out to dinner, please." he'd asked._

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><p><em> My mind flashed to that week in Hollywood. I'd arrived at LAX with plans. I was going to hang out with Kyle, and then see what Camille was up to. Except Kyle's flight out to Memphis had been bumped up two days, and he'd just left. And Camille was so busy with her coma role, she didn't have time to hang out. I'd called Jett. We'd had dinner a few times in New York, so I figured, why not? He'd invited me to set, and things got...cozy. So the last night I was there we'd gone back to Jett's apartment after he got done working. And here's the thing. The sex was really good. And Jett was really good to me. And I'd had a lot of fun that week. If I'd still been living three floors away from him like I was last year, I would have been down with the idea of dating him. But I lived across the country. And if I'd been dating Jett already before I left LA, I might have considered a long distance relationship. But I was not going to start dating him just because he treated me well when we were together and we'd been together. So all the fun of the week in Hollywood started to sour when I received what could only be described as love letters daily.<em>

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><p><em> So after a year and a half of putting Jett off, it was insane that I let him talk me into dinner that night. I'd had the worst day. My friends were distancing themselves from me. I was about to go away to two cities where I did not speak the language and didn't know anyone for twelve months. Spending an evening with someone who made me feel like they thought I was special sounded like just what the doctor ordered. "Okay, Jett. But I get to pick the restaurant. Pick me up in an hour at my apartment." I told him. He'd arrived with a teddy bear and a red rose. We'd had a wonderful meal, punctuated with conversations about what was going on back home. I missed LA. And I'm not going to lie, I missed Jett. If only things had been different, but they weren't. So after an off-Broadway show, when he hailed a taxi and gave them the address to his hotel, not only didn't I argue, I went along happily. And yeah, things happened, but what was really comforting was waking up the next morning cuddled with someone who cared about me. <em>

After that, I must have had Jett more confused than ever. It was much easier to avoid the situation in Europe. After all, I didn't have a phone and relied on Skype to talk to people back home. This meant communication must be scheduled around their schedule, and mine, and time zones. Random phone calls didn't happen any more. Jett emailed me, but it wasn't hard for him to get the picture that I couldn't _do_ a relationship at the moment. And I never really thought about how all of this must have made him feel, because I felt so pressured by it all.

"I'm sorry too, Jett. We both said things we shouldn't have. And there are things I should have told you that would have made you feel less badly in this situation."

"What do you mean?" We were in a circular booth, so I slid closer and held his hand.

"One of the reasons I kept pushing you away all that time is because we lived three thousand miles apart. And then on two separate continents. Even when you came to New York a lot I wasn't mature enough for something like that. And you never really went to Europe at all, so that would have just been painful. And now that you're going to Sao Paolo, I think you can probably understand why I felt that way." I really meant this too. I mean, I still sleep with that teddy bear he brought me.

"So if you'd never gone to New York..." he trailed off.

"Things might have been different. Look, I'm sorry for hurting you. I just. Couldn't."

"I understand. Actually, I behaved so stupidly during all this, but truthfully, once you were in Milan I started to get it. I'd come in to New York and you weren't there to call up. And like you said, I never went to Europe. After a while the most painful thing I felt about you was your absence. I was angry and hurt when you were just in New York and didn't want to try. I was out there a lot. And fuck, Katie, we could have tried. But then you were halfway around the world. And now I'm going to be.

And I know you know this feeling. Sao Paolo is not the Palmwoods. Whether you come from Chicago or Paducah, when you get to the Palmwoods everything has enough familiarity. The same language. The same culture. You can buy the same junk food, play the same video games, and do the same types of things you liked to do back home. I'm kind of lost right now. And I haven't even left yet." He's got his arm around me and he's stroking my hair. It was the same sort of gesture as when you're cuddling a pet who is there when the world turns it's back on you. That desperate need for a living creature to offer you comfort. So when I dragged him out of the diner I didn't feel bad about the fact that I was sure we were about to go back to his place and have sex again. It was closure. And we needed closure. So why did I feel so un-closure-y about it?

Jett fumbled with his keys in the door. I could tell he had way too much stress and things on his mind. When he got it unlocked he held the door open for me. I made my way towards the dvd organizer. I pulled something heartwarming from the shelves. I figured that was the best kind of movie to take Jett's mind off his current issues, so I put it in and sat down next to him on the couch. Thirty minutes into the film Jett was holding me the way a small child holds a stuffed animal for comfort. Forty five minutes in he was crying on my shoulder. Not that he would admit to it, he was silent, but there was a wet spot the size of a half dollar on my sleeve. An hour in I was crying too, and not at the movie. I know without a shadow of a doubt that there shouldn't be a 'Jett and I'. Except that seems so hard to justify, when I know and have always known that only based on location, circumstance. It's that irritating head knowledge that caused all of this mess to begin with, you know? I mean, Jett is right. We could have tried, he was in New York a _lot_. But I was too busy hurling 'what-ifs' and 'buts' at the situation.

When we ended up _in flagrante delicto, _so to speak, after the movie was over it was different than in the past. We'd first had a whispered conversation that went on for hours. About how much things were going to change. How my year abroad had changed me and how he had no idea what to expect. Jett had always been the very definition of overconfidence to anyone who had ever met him. _He_ knew he was amazing and ready for whatever came his way, even when no one else knew it. To see this side of him was hard for me. He confessed I was the only one to ever see him so vulnerable. And granted, I knew other people who were the picture of confidence to have insecurities they only let those close to them see (James comes to mind), it didn't do for Jett to be deciding I was not just one of those people, but that _singular_ person for him. He kissed me and I was all torn up inside over it. Something was changing. My resolve was weakening at the worst possible time. So this encounter, which was supposed to be all about closure was the very opposite. It was the start of an _us, _no matter how in denial I was about it. We curled up on the couch with another movie and I nearly stayed the night, when Kendall called me.

"Katie! Please tell me you're okay!" he bursts through the speaker.

"Of course, Kendall, why do you sound panicked about it?" I asked, curious.

"James came over to help me with something. We both went back to his place and he expected you to be there and you're not. He said you've been gone since 3:15. Do you know it's almost midnight?"

"Kendall, I'm twenty two years old. I wasn't aware I had a curfew." I said, sarcastically.

"He thought you would be gone about an hour, and it's getting late. You could have let him know!"

"Don't worry Kendall. I'll be back within an hour. Tell James to chill, please." I wasn't going to just hop up and run off after everything that happened, just to calm James down. I hung up the phone and leaned back into Jett's embrace.

"You're going?" he asked.

"Not until the movie is over." I thought about staying anyway, but having James and Kendall calling out search parties (which I'm pretty sure would happen) is a really bad thing to let happen.

The movie ended and I got up to leave. "Do you have to leave?" Jett asked.

"With Kendall and James all freaked out already? Yes." I told him.

"I'll drive you, then."

The ride back was short and fairly silent. When Jett parked the car he pulled me to him and kissed me. "So, I'll pick you up for the wedding tomorrow."

Shit. I couldn't explain this to James. Could I? "Oh. Um. Well James is supposed to take me. And I don't know if I can convince him otherwise. But if not, we'll see you there."

Jett pouted but then we said our goodbyes. I braced myself for whatever would be awaiting me upstairs and walked inside.

"KATHERINE RENEE KNIGHT, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? I WAS WORRIED SICK!" James overreacted.

Oh, boy, this was going to be fun.


	3. Kendall Knows

Disclaimer: I am not a real world Arthur Griffin. Therefore you can be reasonably certain the only thing I own relating to Big Time Rush is my ideas about this story and a copy of their cd.

I know it's been about a month since I posted a chapter and I am really upset about that. My computer has been causing me a lot of trouble, and I really need to replace it, but you know, I don't have a lot of extra money lying around to do that.

Also I'm trying to figure out how to introduce some more of the secondary characters to the story. You know, Guitar Dude, Camille, Mrs. Knight (even though I already sent her back to Minnesota and she'll obviously be showing up for Katie's graduation and the new baby), Kelly, Gustavo, and even Logan, who really hasn't been in this story.

Anyway, this chapter is back in James' perspective. And you get to see Kendall's reaction. So read on!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: Kendall Knows<strong>

There is no way in hell I'm gonna just bum around my place while Katie went to meet Jett. I wanted to know what was going on. So I followed her. I threw on some sunglasses, a fedora, and a trench coat. While she slid into the booth where Jett was sitting, I sat a few tables away, blocking their view of me but straining to hear what they were saying. I sat with my back to them and used my mirror to watch, so they wouldn't realize it was me. Besides, this is Hollywood. People go around in disguise all the time.

I couldn't hear a word they were saying, and I couldn't read their lips, either.

"Are you ready to order, sir?" the waitress asked me.

"Look, I'm kind of busy, so if you could just be quiet so I can hear?"

"Sir, this restaurant is for paying customers, if you wont order you will have to leave."

"Fine. Coke. Shh!" I wouldn't usually talk to someone like that but she was getting on my nerves. Crap. My phone is ringing.

"Hello? Kendall?" What _great_ timing.

"James, my babysitter just called and said she's stuck behind a wreck on the freeway and can't pick the kids up. I can't really have the kids around with what the contractors are doing. They've proven themselves to be trustworthy and I don't think I have to be around to supervise, but I need somewhere I can take the kids. Can I bring them to your place?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure. They can have Carlos's food. Make yourselves at home." I brushed him off.

"Well, how are we going to get in? And I need some help entertaining them in your boring for kids place." Crap. I had to unlock the door _and_ find something kids like to do for the guy.

"Isn't there somewhere else you can go? I'm kind of busy."

"Busy doing what? Just yesterday you told me you were getting home and doing nothing for the weekend because you hadn't had a day off in nine weeks."

"Spying on Jett and Katie. Listen, take them to a playdate at Carlos's."

Carlos's niece is sick, James. Wait, you're spying on _who?_"

"Jett and Katie?" I said quietly. This is no good.

"What, like while they're on a date? Weird pairing, but why are you spying on them? That's not really nice, James." He paused as if he was working it out in his head. "What's going on with you and her? You're jealous, aren't you?" Well he really had me pegged. Wasn't going to tell him that. Oh yeah, and Kendall doesn't know about Jett. I really talked myself into a corner here, didn't I?

"It's _not _a date!" I said. Even if they are fucking holding hands. "Nevermind why I'm here. Jett makes me nervous, that's all." I knew that even with all the crap Jett put Kendall through when we were teenagers, there was nothing so reprehensible as making that a problem twelve years later. So that sounded like the bull it was, but I was not good at thinking on my feet.

"James, just come home and help me." Ugh.

"Fine, Kendall. I'll be there in ten minutes." I threw a five onto the table for the coke the lady went to the trouble of serving me. The last thing I wanted to walk out on was Katie holding Jett's hand, but the only thing scarier than me scaring off Katie's boyfriends was Kendall scaring me off Katie, thus making him more suspicious was something I definitely did not want, so I left.

I got home and let them in, and five minutes later Kendall's kids were thankfully, zoned out watching a movie on my couch. I hoped that meant they might drop into a nice long nap. I loved the little guys but I had too much on my mind right now to pay attention to them. Besides, Kendall was about to start into me, and my two options (mind calisthenics to lie my way out of the situation, or the truth) were both terrifying.

"How was your trip to New York, James?" It seemed like an innocent question but he made it in a very accusatory fashion.

"Great. You remember that hotel we all stayed at, the tiny modern one where they had the library?"

"I remember. We took Mom and Katie on that trip and oh my god she loved that place. She still talks about it! James, what the hell! You did _not_ hook up with my sister there!"

"No! I just stayed there again! I mean, I can't even get Katie to _look_ at me, Kendall! She's too busy having some weird more on-again, off-again thing with Jett than Logan's bipolar entanglement with Camille ever was! And who are you to be implying I'd just use Katie for a night of fun and leave? I'm _not_ that guy, and even if I _was_ that guy, don't you think I'd pick someone a little less important to me than _Katie_?" Oh shit, I was not supposed be talking about Katie's whatever it was with Jett, which I clearly didn't know as much about as I thought, and I _definitely_ wasn't supposed to be telling Kendall I had feelings for his baby sister. You know, he still calls her that too. But he pushed my buttons! Implying I was some sort of man whore like when I was sixteen, which, hello, anyone who was paying attention back then noticed I was a lot more talk than action. Plus, he was implying I'd just _hook up_ with Katie!

But once I said that, Kendall's demeanor changed. "You love her, don't you?" I think that might be a little extreme. I mean I wasn't anything to her. But I knew her better than anyone else in the world. I hadn't dated anyone in at least three years. I'd show up to all the premieres with a date and TMZ would have a field day, each time. But nothing ever came of it. And if anyone with the last name Knight, or Logan or Carlos had ever taken the time to really seriously question why I never got serious with any of those girls, I would have to say because none of them are Katie. But still. Until even the tiniest little thing happened between us, it couldn't really be called anything but a crush, right?

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing but a vague "uhhh" sound came out, so I opened and closed it a few more times, as if restarting the process might make actual words come out. This made Kendall grin like the smug little shit he is. "You do! I knew it!" And then, eagerly, he says, starting almost giddy, then tacking a stern warning on to the end, "Okay, if you get the chance, you better take it, but you also hurt her and I'll have Jo's dad take you out." Kendall's father-in-law was in the CIA. And even though he'd just threatened to have the government kill me, he also kind of gave me permission. Seriously? Jett and Katie have some sort of _thing_ going on, Kendall is giving me his blessing to go after Katie, was I in some sort of parallel universe? 'Cause things just aren't working the way they are supposed to here.

And okay, I'm 27, I didn't _need_ Kendall's permission, and for that matter, neither does Katie, or (ugh) Jett. But I also didn't need a pissed off Kendall wailing on me when he found out after the fact, and given his reaction when he thought I hooked up with Katie, that's probably what would have happened if we hadn't talked about it. Plus it's nice to know someone's on my side here. Which I guess it doesn't really matter if I have someone on my side since Katie is off doing who knows what with Jett fucking Stetson.

Kendall managed to calm me down about it. I wasn't venting or anything, but he could tell I was stewing, as I boiled some water for tea. I still need to go to the grocery store. "Dude, James. Jett is going to Sao Paolo next month. Katie's going to be in New York for like, half that time. It's not like there's tons of time for them to get serious. It'll fizzle out by the time he's in the international terminal at the airport." Well although he doesn't know there's history between them, he's got a point. And aside from that stupid hand holding, it hadn't sounded like it was supposed to even be a date. So by the time the animated flick the kids were watching rolled the credits, I had decided to be the fun uncle figure again.

"Hey kids, who wants to go to Fun Burger?" Jordyn, the five year old, and _exactly_ the kind of kid Kendall's mother used to wish ten of on him when he was driving her insane (i.e. a copy of Kendall himself) cheered enthusiastically at my suggestion. Annie, her two year old sister, cheered "fun buhguh, fun buhguh!" and giggled.

Well that, hopefully, settled that. I slid my eyes over to Kendall's face. He grimaced. "You should have asked me first, dude. Jo is gonna kill me!"

"Why? Oh. Is she one of those mom's who never lets her kids eat junk food or something?" I asked, sympathetically.

"No, she's gonna kill me because she's working late and her pregnancy cravings are off the charts, and Annie and Jordyn can't keep their mouths shut. When she finds out we had Fun Burger she's gonna be mad I didn't bring her some. But her manager is a bitch and a half and I'm not allowed to satisfy food cravings in front of her because apparently even when pregnant, actresses aren't allowed to ever, ever eat junk food, not even a single fry."

"Ouch. Well we don't have to go to Fun Burger."

"The only thing worse than breaking a pregnant Jo's heart, is breaking Jordyn and Annie's. We're going."

So we piled into Kendall's car, and headed to Fun Burger. Two hours and forty bucks in tokens later, we headed back to Kendall's place. I helped him get the kids ready for bed and we watched ESPN for a while until Jo got home.

She greeted us, then "Kendall, the girls aren't usually asleep when I get home."

I answered for him. "We tired them out. Fun Burger, my treat."

"Ohhh, Fun Burger sounds heavenly right now. I'm so sick and tired of the lame food I eat on set courtesy of the latest fad pregnancy diet and my manager."

"So says Kendall. You should fire her! We brought you a doggie bag. One burger all the way, double the cheese, and a side of onion rings." She looked at me like I'd just told her she'd won the lottery, then headed for the kitchen.

"So, James. Do you think you could give me a hand with something?" Kendall asked. I made the terrible mistake of responding "of course", terrible, because Kendall needed help _hanging a freaking ceiling fan_. Not like he had contractors over doing all this work already. But apparently hanging a fifty dollar ceiling fan would have cost him two hundred and fifty dollars in labor, so I guess I can understand him wanting to cut costs. By the time we finished, it was close to ten, so I told him he had to pay me back by helping me grab some groceries because I was so seriously low I couldn't even feed Katie breakfast in the morning. But when we got back, it was half past ten and Katie still wasn't back yet.

"Oh shit, Kendall, where is she?" I said, alarmed.

"How the hell should I know? You're the one who has seen her today! If she was with Jett before, why wouldn't she be now?"

"That's like almost eight hours, Kendall! It wasn't supposed to be a very serious thing! I thought she'd be back in like an hour!"

"But I thought it was a date? Dates usually last more than an hour."

"I never said it was a date. Actually I'm pretty sure I said it wasn't one. Oh what the hell. I don't know if it was one or not. But I still think Katie should have been home long before now."

Kendall rolls his eyes at me, then pulls out his phone and calls Katie. When he hangs up he says "look, first I think you should really calm down. As much as I think you are a way better guy for her, you don't have any sort of claim on her. So please don't get angry when I tell you she's completely safe, but still with Jett. She said she'll be home in under an hour. I think they're watching a movie, I could hear soundtracks playing in the background. I'm going home, because I really don't think I should be around for the conversation you two will have, and also because I originally had plans to spend tonight with my wife."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Fuck." I smashed a fist against the wall. I had not planned on having competition.

"James. Seriously. Calm down." Easy for him to say. I sat down defeatedly on my couch, a decidedly miserable look on my face.

"How long?" Kendall sighs in apparent amusement, and plops down across from me.

"How long what?"

"How long have you been in love with her?"

"That's a really fucking complicated answer that wouldn't even make sense to you."

"Try me."

"Forever? I mean, not in a romantic sense, obviously. But when she was in preschool and she came home from school bawling because some kid bullied her, I wanted to hurt that kid. When she was eight and she came down with the measles before the talent show and didn't get to sing I told my mom to get the talent show rescheduled. When"

"That was _you?_"

"Yeah. That was me. And when she was thirteen I was the one who organized the 'grown up' party for her in the Palmwoods ballroom. Which was spawned by some loser who told her she was a baby for hanging out with Tyler."

"I'm a terrible brother."

"What are you talking about?"

"I should have been doing those things!"

"Anyway. I knew when she was eleven and Kyle tried to take her on a date that I didn't want her getting hurt, and that meant I didn't want her dating anyone I couldn't trust, which was basically anyone."

"Eleven?"

"Well you don't know what eleven year old boys are like!"

"Sure, because I never was one or anything."

"Oh whatever. Anyway. It wasn't until the summer before she left for New York that I spent every possible minute with her because I couldn't picture her out of my life. That's when I realized I was _in _love with her."

"So why didn't you say or do anything about it?"

"She didn't seem interested. Although I guess she could have been as good at hiding it as I was. But she was leaving. And besides which, I figured you'd kill me if I did."

"I probably would have. Back then, anyway. Is that why you took her to Camille's movie premiere?"

"Yeah. It was technically no more of a date than any other person you go to a movie premiere with, since having a date to a premiere is just 'what's done' out here, even if you never really see that person before or after in a date capacity. But I wanted it to be special for her. That's also why I lobbied so hard to your mom to have them both come on our tour."

"You're not going to turn this Jett thing into a fight are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, don't tell her you love her and that she needs to choose or anything crazy like that. He's leaving soon. Just let it fizzle out on its own. She'll be out here full time and he'll be gone, you'll have plenty of time."

"It's just of all people, Jett. And after their history it just doesn't really make sense."

"Their history? What history?"

"I can't really tell you about it because I was asked very clearly and directly to not tell anyone. Plus I'm now under the impression it's partially because I don't know the whole story. But there's history and I don't like this."

"Did he hurt her?"

"No. In fact I think she was the one who probably hurt him. He was a little crazy, but don't worry, you don't need to hunt him down, and hey, if you did, I'd have done it already."

"Well Iguess I can see where some of this is coming from. And I really need to get home. So I'm sure I'll see both of you sometime tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Twenty minutes after he leaves, Katie comes sauntering into the apartment. As if being a young girl out in a dangerous city not letting anyone know where she was, or when she would be back, is a fair thing to do to anyone. So even though Kendall told me not to freak out, I couldn't help myself.

"KATHERINE RENEE KNIGHT, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? I WAS WORRIED SICK!"

"I was with Jett. _Just like I said I'd be!_"

"For almost _eight hours?_ I thought you weren't into him."

"It wasn't ever that I wasn't into him. It was his methods. And the fact that I lived across the country from him."

"But after all this time? It's kind of weird, right?"

She sighs. "I didn't want to tell you about it, but there was another time, too. Right before I went to Europe."

"What?"

"Yeah, and I was kind of a bitch to him, because at least in New York he could call me whenever he wanted. I hardly talked to him, and half the time I didn't return his emails for a week. Because I didn't want either of us getting hurt, and Milan and Paris are a whole lot farther from LA than New York is."

"You didn't want either of you getting hurt so you just didn't answer him when he emailed?" This seemed really mean, for Katie. And also kind of silly. I mean, I guess we've all employed the "avoid method" from time to time, but when email is your only real source of contact, well I don't know, it's just sort of mean.

"I know. Hindsight, and all that. I did apologize to him today. I mean, I could have at least explained it then. Instead of being a bitch about it. And now he's going to Sao Paolo, but there's something going on with us again. I can't do the same thing this time. I'm just, ugh. Really, really fucking bad at this."

I knew that whatever I said to her I had to be careful. Not that I had any chances at the moment, but there was no reason to ruin it for later, and hopefully Kendall was right. They'd hardly see each other before Jett left and it'd fizzle out. "Well maybe that's why this happened again. To give you a chance to be more mature about it this time." That was about as much as I could manage. "Why don't you get some sleep?" I'd thought she probably wanted to go to the wedding with Jett now, and I figured it wasn't kosher to fight with her about that. But it would be nice to see Tyler get married and obviously I didn't _want_ her to go to the wedding with him.

"What time should we leave in the morning?" I tried.

"James, do you think it'd be possible to find something else to do tomorrow?" Ouch. She at least had the decency to look sheepish as she asked it.

"Sure. I think Kendall wants to have dinner tomorrow night though. I thought we'd leave here at 5:30 to meet him, hows that?"

"That's fine." She hugged me then, which was nice, although it was so very sisterly I thought I'd barf, and then said "good night, James."

"Good night, Katie."


End file.
